A perceptive reader contacted me the other day and asked if I was losing interest in my blog. Presumably this question came about because I’ve been posting less frequently and the posts I have done have been shorter and have lacked a certain…something.
I’m not losing interest in this blog, but I am more frequently questioning why I am doing this, and for whom, and just what shape I want this blog to take. Every now and then I get an overwhelming sense that blogging is just so much on-the-soapbox navel-gazing (if I may mix some cliches): Hey, everybody! Listen to me waxing sagely about matters of which I have little knowledge or understanding. I don’t want to be that guy. I’m not sure what the reader perception is.
On the other hand, I enjoy thinking about the “big” things, having my assumptions challenged, learning new things, examining my beliefs. I’m generally not interested in blogging about day to day matters—I bought some new pants today!—and wouldn’t find much fulfillment in doing so. I guess I’m still trying to find my “voice”. Maybe my voice is not having any particular voice (aside from the voice of not having any paricular voice).
I also want to take more care in writing. Not to become more “serious” with my content, but to take more time to write, to edit, to let a post sit and age. This has become quite an enjoyable experience, in fact. I’ll write a draft post and let it sit for a while, editing it, pondering it. Often in the end I will realize that it isn’t worth posting.
“If you follow every dream, you might get lost.” So says Neil Young on his latest studio album. I’ve always dabbled in a lot of things, but have not become skilled in anything. I’ve been trying to refine how I spend my time—for instance, I hardly watch TV any more and I haven’t played a video game in more than a year and a half. Some days blogging (and reading other blogs) seems like a collosal waste of time. It’s not an efficiency or “value” question, like Dixie sometimes struggles with, just a question of how I want to spend my time. There are many things I am interested in doing and learning, but not enough time for all of them. I need to make some choices. Is blogging (and writing in general) something on which I want to focus?
And things are getting busier: the baby will arrive any day now, the move is only a month away and work is reaping some of the benefits of an economic “boom”. The blog will possibly slow down even more for a while in the next month.
I’m reluctant to publish this post. If I let it sit long enough without publishing it, I’m sure I’ll decide it’s not worth it. Plus, I’m tired and irritable and frustrated with another post that just won’t come together right and feeling that this is all a waste of time and yet just want to get something out there. So, in the morning I’ll probably regret posting this. But since I’m not sure if other readers of this blog are wondering about what’s happening around here, I’ll publish this anyway.