The material for my Patristic Fathers seminary course has arrived. I’m looking at 2,000 pages of reading (which all looks interesting), not including whatever I’ll be reading for the research paper , plus lectures (on CD) and assignments. I have 8 months to complete everything, but it still looks a bit daunting at this stage.
Then next week I start my bi-vocational life. On Wednesday and Thursday I’ll be working at the church. So I’ll be juggling two-part time jobs and all that entails. My current job I can leave at work; my second job at church will spill over into “non-work” time. I guess that’s one of the things I’ll face if I “go into ministry”. There was a time in my life when all I wanted was a 9-5 job, something I could forget about at 5p.m. sharp. I’d still like that, but it may no longer be in the proverbial cards.
So, two big things landing in my life at approximately the same time. I can handle it. I’m looking forward to it. I’m terrified. It’ll be great. I’m feeling like adult responsibility is suddenly upon me (what children?) and it scares me: what if I’m not ready? (Yes. I know. I’m nearly 31.) What if I can’t handle it? What if I blow it?
Now, I would be okay with all of that, because those events and responsibilities will unfold as time goes by. However, I’m scheduled to speak on Sunday and the sermon just isn’t coming together, which makes everything else seem that much worse.
I’m having university flash-backs. The knot in my gut because of a looming deadline—4 days until the due date and still no topic.* Only, I can’t turn in my sermon late or get an extension, now can I?
I should resurrect my old motto again: “All in good time.” Let’s hope “in good time” means before Sunday morning.
*I have a topic (or at least a passage of scripture) for the sermon, I think, but you see what I’m saying.