I’m not sure what triggered my creative juices this morning, but on the drive to work I made up an Irish drinking song, in the “Whose Line is it Anyway?” style. I came up with one verse, which, in classic Ryan Stiles fashion, quickly degenerates to the lowest common denominator. Here’s what I came up with:
I went out to Ireland,
St. Patrick’s land to see,
Where I drank eight pints of Guinness
And then I had to pee.
I couldn’t find a toilet
(A foreigner I be)
So I ran out of the city
And pissed into the sea!
Was spotted by a chopper
Giving an aerial tour,
They up and called a copper
I was in trouble then for sure.
I finally was arrested
And really felt the fool;
They thought they had me bested,
But in my cell I left some stool.
I walked into the courtroom
And stood before the judge,
“Don’t like outdoor leakers here,
We tend to hold a grudge.”
I begged the man for mercy,
“I really didn’t know
Where the public toilets were
And I really had to go!”
The judge just smiled and said to me,
“All right, you’re free to go—
It seems you really couldn’t stem
Your urinary flow.
But you must leave the country
And never do return.
Go home and practice holding out
‘Gainst that ‘limination yearn.”
A true “Whose Line…?” Irish drinking song would have four verses. Maybe I’ll come up with three more over the course of the day. There we are. It’s not exactly poet’s corner, but it’s not supposed to be, is it? (And anyway, would Ogden Nash have been considered poet’s corner material?)
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Whose Line Is It Anyway?, it’s an improvised comedy show in which four people play a variety of improvisational games in a half-hour episode. Here’s a YouTube video of them playing The Irish Drinking Song game, which will give you an idea of the tune (it’s the same every time). As a bonus, they screw up and lose it on stage, which is always good for a laugh. The “Related” menu next to the video links to a number of other Irish Drinking Song videos.