Haven’t read The Onion in a while. Couple of funny shorts I read the other day. The first is my favourite, but the other one is pretty funny, too.
LIVONIA, NY—Mere hours after watching Rob Reiner’s classic 1987 film The Princess Bride with his children, area father William Loomis badly botched some of the most familiar lines from the movie, sources reported Monday. “My friend Laura came over and my dad greeted her at the door by saying, ‘Hello. I am Diego Montoya. You killed my father. Now you will die,'” said Loomis’ 17-year-old daughter Erica. “Then at dinner he started waving his wine glass and yelling, ‘irreconcilable!’ over and over again in this sort of Elmer Fudd voice. That’s not even the right speech impediment.” Loomis has a history of bungling well-known cultural references, most notably in 1985 when he spent all summer asking family members, “Where’s the meat?” (Link)
I’ll just link to the second one: Man Finally Unpauses ‘Super Mario Bros.’ After 18 Years Of Chores. The last line made this one for me: “As of press time, Rigali had not located former next-door neighbor Jeff Isola to take his turn as Luigi.”
I recall many hours spent playing the original Mario Brothers game on NES. Back then one player would play until his character died. It was my friend’s system, so I would watch for an indefinite period of time while he played. When my turn came up, I would last maybe 3 minutes before falling into a pit or running into something that killed me. Then it was my friend’s endless turn again. Good, annoying times.